Home Improvement Time
I’ve spent a little time sitting in doctors’
offices this week and there seems to be a conspiracy.
Every waiting room has a television set. And every one of
them is on a house improvement channel. Walls come down, new
ceilings go in, and I’ve watched every conceivable color of
paint applied to projects both inside and outside houses I don’t
care about… with one unfortunate consequence. Now I have a
desire to remodel our house.
Husband and I now spend time every day
walking around finalizing our home improvement plan. So far one
wall is coming down. We’re creating a library in our guest
bedroom. And ripping out the kitchen and living room flooring.
Don’t get me started on the big paint color debate. Believe me,
you don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space.
Either we’ve lost our minds or this is part
of some conspiratorial alliance between clinic waiting rooms and
the hardware stores.
Gary Chapman (“The Five Love Languages”) has
a new book coming out that takes home improvement in an entirely
different direction. What if we spent time on the relationships
inside our house
rather than on the house itself? Let’s face it, who couldn’t
benefit from a “do-over” this summer? He says that “if you are a
home improvement buff or a fan of home improvement shows, you’re
going to love this book.” “The DIY Guide to Building a Family
That Lasts” will be out June 4th. I’ve got my copy on
preorder.
Every chapter includes a “Sweat Equity”
section that includes a snapshot of the “home improvement
process.” For instance, if you want to improve the gratitude in
your family (and who doesn’t?) Chapman suggests five things:
-
Appreciate your
spouse and children. Keep a “Gratitude List” for each family
member and review it regularly. Seek to specifically
verbalize appreciation at least twice a week to each person.
-
Practice
gentleness. Even with our best efforts, disrespect is apt to
happen occasionally because we’re all imperfect. Families
can learn to be assertive and gentle at the same time.
We don’t have to make things worse with criticism,
belittling, and dismissive words.
-
Own your failings.
Don’t do a better job blaming others than taking
responsibility for your mistakes. When we admit our part in
conflict, it frees us to see the good in others and helps
them to see it in us.
-
Walk all over
floors, not your family. Repeated disrespect can wear down
the flooring of our relationships. Protect and preserve your
important relationships by caring for them like you would
new (and expensive) flooring.
-
And finally, build
a sense of belonging. You and the people you share the house
with want to trust that together you are a solid, loyal
family. Treating each other with gratitude and respect is an
important way of saying, “We belong together. You are mine
and I will always have your back. Count on it!”
Driving down the street to our house I
realized that most of our neighbors are outside working on some
form of house/garden improvement. Increased beauty and
functionality are important to keep property values up, but also
to let the people who live there know that they are valued.
So what would happen if we spent that same
amount of time, money, and energy working on the relationships
that reside inside our houses? I think Husband and I would put
down our cell phones/notebooks and read more books together.
We’d eat more dinners on the patio and talk about things that
really matter.
How would you improve your home?