Everyday Encounter with God

Pastor Sylvia's Encounters with God in the Midst of Everyday Life

 

Can We Un-Teach Entitlement?

Our culture has some issues. The one I ran into yesterday was “entitlement.” As so often happens to me, the conversation occurred in a very long grocery store line. The checker was new and meticulously slow.

A woman in front of me mused, “Where do my kids get the idea they are entitled to certain things in life, like a free college education, subsidized housing, and praise even when they haven’t earned it?

“Who teaches them this? Friends? The internet? School? I really want to know, because that’s not the way life is. And they aren’t learning it at home. We go to church and always say grace before eating. How am I supposed to help them unlearn this nonsense?” 

With a small audience of adults nodding around her, the exasperated mother’s question hit a chord.

It got me thinking. Sunday church and prayers before eating are good, but are they effective for changing the idea of entitlement?

There are some common parenting mistakes that cause our children to believe they have a right to things they haven’t earned. Furthermore, the church could be part of the problem. Here are my ideas…

First is interrupting. Children need to learn respect for other people’s conversations. When they don’t, it says “the world revolves around what I want when I want it.” A family that is overly “child centered” creates children who are overly “me centered.”

We all need to wait sometimes, even at church.

Second, “Please” and “Thank you” are a big deal—and not just for special stuff. We need to teach our children to honor the people around them. How else are they going to learn to give praise and thanks to God?

Do your Sunday school kids thank their teachers? They need to.

The third thing is follow the rules. Our culture is teaching that rules are flexible guidelines to be followed so long as they make us happy; personal fulfillment is what really matters. Here’s the problem. Rules are there for a reason—to create a place where everyone can be safe and have equal opportunity. When we let our children break rules we are telling them that they are more important than everyone else.

Scripture is extremely rigid in this area. Firm kindness is the best response to a child’s  entitlement selfishness.

Fourth, don’t be too quick to step into the lessons God has for others. It doesn’t feel good to lose. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes friends let us down. Lovers break our hearts. Children need to learn how to deal with their uncomfortable feelings. Personal success requires overcoming adversity. If parents always rush in to make life feel better, our kids are going to believe they are entitled to a life of only happy feelings.

And finally, following the crowd can be dangerous. Last spring I heard from parents who went into debt so that their sons and daughters could have a prom that was more elaborate than their parents’ wedding. Kids do need to feel special, but they aren’t entitled to the best all the time.

Raising children is hard work. Yes, we do live in an age of entitlement, but parents shouldn’t be held hostage to their offspring’s unrealistic expectations.

Just then my conversation with the woman in front of me was interrupted by her teenage daughter. “Mom, are you about done here? (Dramatic sigh.) I need to get my nails done today. How long do you think I’m going to wait?”

This young lady was obviously going to need more retraining than attending church and saying grace before dinner could provide.