Can We Un-Teach Entitlement?
Our culture has some issues. The one I ran
into yesterday was “entitlement.” As so often happens to me, the
conversation occurred in a very long grocery store line. The
checker was new and meticulously slow.
A woman in front of me mused, “Where do my
kids get the idea they are entitled to certain things in life,
like a free college education, subsidized housing, and praise
even when they haven’t earned it?
“Who teaches them this? Friends? The
internet? School? I really want to know, because that’s not the
way life is. And they aren’t learning it at home. We go to
church and always say grace before eating. How am I supposed to
help them unlearn this nonsense?”
With a small audience of adults nodding
around her, the exasperated mother’s question hit a chord.
It got me thinking. Sunday church and prayers
before eating are good, but are they effective for changing the
idea of entitlement?
There are some common parenting mistakes that
cause our children to believe they have a right to things they
haven’t earned. Furthermore, the church could be part of the
problem. Here are my ideas…
First is interrupting. Children need to learn
respect for other people’s conversations. When they don’t, it
says “the world revolves around what I want when I
want it.” A family that is overly “child centered” creates
children who are overly “me centered.”
We all need to wait sometimes, even at
church.
Second, “Please” and “Thank you” are a big
deal—and not just for special stuff. We need to teach our
children to honor the people around them. How else are they
going to learn to give praise and thanks to God?
Do your Sunday school kids thank their
teachers? They need to.
The third thing is follow the rules. Our
culture is teaching that rules are flexible guidelines to be
followed so long as they make us happy; personal fulfillment is
what really matters. Here’s the problem. Rules are there for a
reason—to create a place where everyone can be safe and have
equal opportunity. When we let our children break rules we are
telling them that they are more important than everyone else.
Scripture is extremely rigid in this area.
Firm kindness is the best response to a child’s
entitlement selfishness.
Fourth, don’t be too quick to step into the
lessons God has for others. It doesn’t feel good to lose. Life
isn’t always fair. Sometimes friends let us down. Lovers break
our hearts. Children need to learn how to deal with their
uncomfortable feelings. Personal success requires overcoming
adversity. If parents always rush in to make life feel better,
our kids are going to believe they are entitled to a life of
only happy feelings.
And finally, following the crowd can be
dangerous. Last spring I heard from parents who went into debt
so that their sons and daughters could have a prom that was more
elaborate than their parents’ wedding. Kids do need to feel
special, but they aren’t entitled to the best all the time.
Raising children is hard work. Yes, we do
live in an age of entitlement, but parents shouldn’t be held
hostage to their offspring’s unrealistic expectations.
Just then my conversation with the woman in
front of me was interrupted by her teenage daughter. “Mom, are
you about done here? (Dramatic sigh.) I need to get my nails
done today. How long do you think I’m going to wait?”
This young lady was obviously going to need
more retraining than attending church and saying grace before
dinner could provide.