Breaking the Diet Cycle

I have struggled with weight my entire life, so I was especially interested in a religious column I read in early January that made recommendations for taking the pounds off once and for all. The writer broke it all down by using basic metabolic math: calories burned, calories ingested, and the resulting pounds gained or lost. He encouraged healthy food choices and moderate exercise.

Eureka! To quote the Geico commercial, “So simple a caveman could do it.”

Except that it isn’t.

Roughly one-third of our population is obese. Their waist measurement isn’t the result of poor math skills. They are not of lower intelligence. Despite their physical size, they do care about themselves, those who love them, and their overall health. And critical Christians, these are not just gluttonous sinners who need more Bible study.

So what is our problem?

Two months ago I began working with a physician that specializes in weight management. She also has me seeing an excellent nutritionist. I felt encouraged, motivated, supported-- and very grateful for comprehensive health insurance.

I even did the math. Allowing for occasional slips and set-backs I should be at goal by mid-July.

With confidence pulsing through my veins I re-organized the clothes closets and planned my summer wardrobe. Could there actually be a swimsuit in my future?

Two weeks ago I hit “the wall.”

Our bathroom scale reported a number that I haven’t seen in several years. My husband told me how great I look in pants 2-sizes smaller. And then a girlfriend congratulated me over and over on how great I was doing. It seems like I should have been thrilled, but my response was the direct opposite.

I suddenly felt unsafe in my own body.

Emerging research suggests that obese men and women are different than their ideal-bodied brethren. Statistically we have a very high prevalence of childhood abuse and trauma that actually reprograms our neurotransmitters. We ineffectively use food to protect ourselves from “things that go bump in the night.” Take away the food and the pounds—rational or not—we feel exposed, vulnerable.

I began having abuse flashbacks and nightmares.

There are emotional, relational, and experiential reasons for obesity. Unless they are addressed simultaneous with diet and exercise, failure is certain. Thin people who were blessed with healthy families of origin and protected from trauma by vigilant caregivers have difficulty understanding people like me.

But there are other people reading this who know exactly what I’m talking about.

After I got home from the “large women’s clothing store” where I bought huge shirts to wear in public, I wrote a letter to my doctor and described my symptoms.

If your personal story is reflected in mine, I want to encourage you. Start with solid professional support. You can do this. You probably cannot do it alone. If your history is triggered in a negative way, talk about it with those who love you. Identify odd behaviors and report them; doing so will suck the power out of them.

Sometimes God allows us to travel through rough water because the shore we are seeking is better than the one we left. I am ready for a deeper level of healing and the fresh breath of renewed forgiveness.

Where I am today is not my final destination.

I needed my doctor to remind me that I didn’t start seeing her because I wanted to weigh a particular number or wear a particular size. My goal was (and still is) to become healthier.

If I can be an encouragement, email me. Healthier living is important. We can do this.